Great, now I can officially call myself the most common type of person in the US: anxious.

I'm just a lonely black-coffee drinker, surrounded by 80% of customers at Starbucks who gum up their drinks with all sorts of stuff. Who needs friends when you have caffeine?

Looks like we finally found the cause of the recent trends in mental health problems among US women and girls, 2001-2018. Yep, it's me.

Can someone please give me the answer to this cryptography question? I need to unlock $220 million in Bitcoin before the final two password attempts are gone 🤦‍♂️ 🤬

It may be the biggest favor they do you. 🤗

I must've taken the wrong survey because all I've achieved so far this year is learning how to make a better pot of coffee. ?

My rain gear might as well be made of toxic chemicals at this point. Let's hope I can get rid of them soon or I'll be swimming in a sea of my own hazardous materials.

It looks like Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw my shadow instead of his own this year, so we're getting 6 more weeks of winter.

I can't even get someone to take me out on a date without it turning into a multi-million dollar lawsuit.

I'm pretty sure the air pollution in my apartment is why I have depression and anxiety...and don't get me started on my couch potato ways!

Well, that's why they say don't pose with lions for the 'gram...lesson learned, I guess.

New Zealand is a great place to visit, unless you're me in Auckland right now, where I'm dealing with severe flooding and a state of emergency.

Well, it looks like my Christmas list has just gotten a little bit smaller.